Job searching is hard. Let’s just collectively acknowledge this as fact. While the degree of difficulty varies by person, local job market, experience level, and more, we all have the innate ability to make it feel worse based on the pressure we place on ourselves. One’s emotional and psychological fortitude are certainly tested during the search process by myriad external factors. It’s important to note, however, that our inner world plays a major role in how we respond to these external factors. Our responses can either attenuate or exacerbate our experience, which can have an impact on the success of our search. What’s the solution to handling the inevitable ups and downs of a job search you ask…? BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
We are all taught from a young age to be kind to others throughout all our interactions in life. As the father of a 7yo girl who I’ve seen cry after receiving a 23/25 on a first-grade math test and is for some reason (don’t ask me why) already worrying about getting good grades in college, I’m seeing the critical importance of teaching her to be kind to herself. As a society, I’m not sure we are taught well or enough about being kind to ourselves because of the modern, performance-driven culture we live in -- especially in the United States.
Many of you reading this are successful because you were raised with high expectations and/or you place them on yourselves to this day. Logically following, the job search would be no exception. You are a great candidate, so finding a job shouldn’t be too hard, right? The challenge is that there are so many factors beyond your control in a search that having an internal locus of control (taking responsibility for outcomes) can quickly go from adaptive to maladaptive, without the moderating influence of kindness...to yourself.
I’ve previously written about why emotions are an important part of your job search, as they can be a catalyst for launching your search, or become stumbling blocks in your interview performance. Depending on your level of experience and job function, finding the right role can take anywhere from 3 months to a year. How you handle the intervening period, can impact not just your own work and well-being, but also those around you. So, what does being kind to yourself look like in practice?
3 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself During Your Job Search
Step Outside of Yourself
In a recent conversation with my girlfriend, I was sharing some of the stress and burdens I was feeling as a newly minted independent career coach. I felt like was carrying a lot of weight as I try to grow my business, which parallels with the weight one can feel when trying to find a new job -- there is a lot riding on it. I confess that I was 💯 in my feelings and venting -- which is allowed -- but then she asked me, “what would you say to a friend who was saying all this to you?”
Whoa! This interrupted my script and challenged me to step outside myself and objectively look at my circumstances. I would be kind and supportive to my friend. I would validate my friend’s feelings and what they had shared and then try to help her/him see a different or more positive perspective on their situation. What I was feeling in the moment was real, but it wasn’t the full picture. Stepping outside myself allowed me to better see the bigger picture.
Kindness Check: A job search can be all-consuming and can almost feel like a second job depending on your level of urgency. In such a state, you can lose perspective and start feeling down on yourself, your prospects, and even your entire professional self-worth when you are making maximal effort with minimal return. Stepping outside yourself and showing yourself the same kindness you would show a friend is a powerful tool to help you regain perspective and take a broader and hopefully healthier view of your circumstances
Look at How Far You Have Come
My response to my girlfriend’s question about what I would say to myself as a friend was, “look how far you’ve come.” In full transparency, I started crying in this moment. A mini-movie flashed through my mind accompanied by a wave of emotions about all I had been through and done since leaving my job in January 2019 up until to where I am now. Looking back...it’s been a lot!
Kindness Check: You have your own personal journey that has brought you to where you are in your career today. Given that we live in such a future-oriented society, constantly hustling to arrive at that next milestone or achieve that next “thing,” we rarely pause to take stock of where we are now, let alone look back at the road traveled and the progress made thus far. A job search is 1000% future-oriented. It also has many excellent ways of telling you where and how it’s not working. The many negative messages you receive during a job search, from the subtle jabs of non-returned emails to the blatant blows of application/interview rejections, can easily make you lose sight of any of the progress you have made.
Sometimes we need the reminder that all progress, no matter how small, is still progress and will get you closer to your ultimate goal. Whether you revamped a resume you haven’t touched in 8+ years, revived 5 old relationships through your networking efforts, or made a key contact at your dream company, look at how far you’ve come since you began your search and you will find something to be grateful for.
Practice Self-care
Whether you are employed or not during your job search, it’s easy to fall into a frenetic, high-pitched job search cadence that has you forsaking most things not job-search related. While I can appreciate the intensity and effort many job seekers adopt, often it’s because they are practicing a volume-based approach (more applications = more opportunities). This is the wrong approach to job searching and can lead you to abandon your normal life routines.
Kindness Check: While a job search certainly requires significant effort, it should not come at the expense of your mental, physical or emotional health. Whatever your form of self-care is, I strongly encourage you to maintain it. For one of my current clients, who is between jobs and doing a full-time job search with a 3-year old in daycare, movement is very important to her, so she makes it a point to do an activity that allows her to get out of her head and into her body daily. Whether it’s reading, spending time with your family, or watching your favorite TV show, it’s important that you continue to do the things that help you recharge and maintain you -- so that you can be the best version of you when you are out in the world networking or in the interview spotlight.
Being kind to yourself during the already difficult job search process pays off in short and long-term mental and emotional dividends. If you are kind to yourself today, you will thank yourself later. At least that’s what my friend told me ;-)
If you would like to discuss how you can take a holistic approach to your job search, I’d love to support you! BOOK NOW for a free consultation.
niiato@avenircareers.com | Call/text 917-740-3048