As is increasingly common these days, I met my wife through a dating app -- 'Coffee Meets Bagel', in case you were wondering. In my version of the story, which I’m confident she will back me up on, our relationship started because of my opening question once we connected (evidence below). Before reaching out, I carefully read her profile and came up with a question I sincerely wanted to know the answer to, and that I hoped would be of enough interest/value to her that it might spark a response. Two years and a heap of conversations later, we got married in February 2020. I guess you could say that my question was the catalyst for our connection -- but why...? Because it was borne of genuine curiosity.
As I’m sure anyone who’s used a dating app before can attest to (especially women), there are a lot of lame, superficial, & downright awful opening questions that get lobbed across the internet dating ether in hopes of trying to attract a partner. While this is not about to become a dating advice article, nor do I claim expertise in that area, I do believe that the best relationships, whether personal or professional, are formed through a genuine point of connection based on something pure.
Many professionals dislike networking or even resist it as a concept because it has this veneer of being purely transactional -- a means to one’s personal end(s). It can feel icky, but this very valid feeling is likely the result of the folks we’ve seen or experienced doing it wrong.
So, how do we do it right…?
Why Curiosity is Your Key to Authentic Networking
Screenshot from Coffee Meets Bagel app of my first message to my now wife, in December 2017.
I’ve written previously that networking should be called relationship building, to help replace the notion of it being instant in nature, and refocus us all on the long-term investment that it ideally merits. Networking is not about amassing a collection of “single-serving contacts”¹ but trying to cultivate long-term “professional friends”² (Quote inspirations: Tyler Durden - Fight Club¹ | Mike Bird of CoachOiseau.com²). Your intentions matter.
1. Curiosity Has Inherently Pure Intentions
As humans, curiosity is one of the purest things we possess. Children explore and interrogate their world through curiosity, and through our lives into adulthood, we can discover passions, direction, & even purpose by remaining curious. When we are genuinely curious about something, we can’t even control the urge to explore whatever that thing is until we find our answer. This notion certainly applies in the professional setting. It’s how some of us found a job, an industry, or formed a valuable business partnership.
Curiosity Networking: Let your curiosity lead you. Ask yourself, these two questions:
Who is doing something, somewhere, and/or at a level that I’m genuinely curious about?
What company is producing products, services, or thought leadership that I want to get behind the scenes of?
Answering these questions will help you network with greater intentionality because you truly desire to make a connection to learn more about this person and/or company that sparked something in you.
2. Curiosity Builds Bridges for Connection
Something about my wife’s dating profile sparked interest and curiosity in me that made me want to know more. What’s true in the realm of romance also applies to friendships and professional relationships. Whatever sparks curiosity in you about who someone is and/or what they are doing might very well be the same curiosity that led them to be doing what they are currently engaged in -- what a great place to meet!
Curiosity Networking: Tap into that thing you are curious about as the reason for your outreach to connect. It’s the perfect bridge to build a connection and spark a conversation because your motives and intentions are authentic. There won’t be any feelings of dissonance or ickiness because you can show up as your genuine self to the interaction full of thoughtful questions that you actually want the answers to. The person on the receiving end of your curiosity will be more likely to respond positively because as humans, we can all sense vibes and we naturally feel repelled by insincere approaches -- hello dating & networking events!
Before you reach out, do your homework. Read your prospective professional friend’s LinkedIn profile, personal website, or whatever you can get your hands on to learn about them and then reach out to them based on the thing(s) that grabbed your attention and wouldn’t let you go.
3. Curiosity is a Forever Renewable Resource
We live in a world where “sustainability” is a corporate buzzword, a global movement, & a personal lifestyle choice. I think it can and should also apply to networking relationship building. No one can realistically sustain hundreds of meaningful connections whether personal or professional. We can, however, support tens of connections that are driven by our curiosity.
Curiosity Networking: Curiosity begets curiosity, and the more questions you ask, the more you will want to know. This is an amazing fuel to spark and light the fire of a new relationship that you can continue to feed with the infinitely renewable resource of your curiosity.
You don’t have to know everyone in your target role, company, or industry -- you just need the ones that you are most curious about. When you finally meet them, your intentions will be pure, your connection will be genuine, & your relationship will ultimately be sustainable.
I swear, this isn’t a dating advice article, but answer me this…
“Who or what are you currently curious about?”
Go. Find. Out.
Need help in crafting a curiosity-based networking strategy, I’d love to support you!
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