Depending on who you are, you will approach the concept of “networking” with various feelings and preconceived notions based in part on your personal experiences and your overall affinity (or lack thereof) for this critical professional advancement activity. A fundamental question that many job seekers are asking when it comes to networking is, “who/how should I be when I’m out in the world trying to network [to land a job]?” This question isn’t usually voiced overtly, but it underlies the many questions around how they should approach, frame, respond, react, and what they should say, do, expect, etc., in various scenarios. You know how people occasionally ask you, “what is the best advice you have ever received on ___?” Well, if the fill-in-the-blank was networking, my answer would be:
“Just be a person.”
This simple, initially confusing, but very sage advice was originally given to me in the context of my graduate internship at Baruch College’s STARR Career Development Center, by the late and great Wendy Heyman (Ph.D.), who was one of my favorite supervisors, ever. We were meeting during one of my weekly supervision sessions discussing my progress and concerns about how to be an effective career counselor. As a counselor in training, I was getting hung up on process, techniques and all the mechanics of counseling, which were the most tangible things to me at the time. In the midst of my spinning, she paused me and offered those four words, “Just be a person.” You might be wondering two things right now:
1) What in the world did Wendy mean by that advice?
and
2) What does this have to do with networking?
What “Just Be a Person” Means for Networking
Be Present
They say that “showing up is half the battle.” I’ll go further and say that being [truly] present is what wins the war. We all know what it’s like to share company with someone who is physically present but mentally absent, either through preoccupation or lack of desire to be there. At the opposite extreme, there are those trying way too hard to connect. [“Excuse me sir/miss, your self-serving intentions are leaking!”]
My challenge at the time I was given this advice, was trying too hard to direct conversations to cover what I thought was necessary or having too rigid a structure to my sessions with students. While I’ve always been very good at building rapport, I was getting in my own way by trying too hard to drive a certain agenda.
Just Be a Person Fix: Yes, have an agenda, but focus on going with the natural flow of your interaction with the human you’re sharing that time and space with. Making a genuine connection is the most important outcome for any networking opportunity you have. That is what will be of value to you in the future. This often goes awry when you are trying to force the conversation or an outcome in a particular direction. The fastest route to awkward is to try and insert your internal agenda item #3.1 in a place where it doesn’t belong. I was trained as a therapist and career counselor to do my best to “follow the client” where s/he wanted to go. Yes, as a professional I have an agenda and a place I’d like to get to with a given client, but I can’t go there by myself -- I need my client to be with me. Being present is about being in the moment and attending mainly to what’s in front of you. Pull that thread by asking the naturally curious follow-up questions born of being truly present -- you never know where they might lead.
Be Yourself
There is pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone and then there is trying to be something other than what you naturally are. Part of the reason that networking sometimes leaves an icky taste in people’s mouths is because of the characters we’ve all encountered who seem just a little too slick or are clearly trying to make a good impression. Neither approach yields good results, nor does overthinking things before or during your time with a person or group. It’s natural and normal to want to make a good/strong impression, but it’s more important to be memorable for the right reasons.
When I was training, I had an idea in my head about what a counselor should do and say to be effective, but I wasn’t leaving enough room for my own way of doing things.
Just Be a Person Fix: In a world that craves authenticity, you are 1-of-1 -- so give yourself permission to behave like it. Networking should never be an act because authentic connections can’t be made through an inauthentic version of yourself. Your efforts should be directed at showing up to every meeting as the best version of yourself. It’s not about walking away from an informational interview with a job offer or a networking event with 20 business cards. Take that pressure off yourself! Instead, it’s about representing yourself in a manner that is true. Real recognize real.
Be Personable
Being personable has a dual meaning that covers both your appearance and manner -- both being pleasant. I grew up with a mom who would sometimes make me iron the t-shirt that I was wearing around the house if it was too crumpled, let alone stepping out of my house unpressed! (#FACTS). My manners also had to be equally on point as a sign of respect to myself and those that I was to encounter in the world. While I’m not making any pronouncements on your laundry habits, we all know the importance of first impressions and the overall vibe you leave people with following your initial interaction(s). The social residue you leave behind matters as it lasts well beyond your first interaction. It can and will influence whether there will be any subsequent interactions and how they will go. How you carry yourself is key.
Is your meeting with someone a transactional means to an end, or are you looking to invest and build a relationship of some substance?
Just Be a Person Fix: Listen to Maya Angelou...
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
Communication can be a rather complex affair with many factors beyond our control, especially on the end of the recipient. Grounding your motives and intentions in a pure and genuine place is a great way to boost your chances of your message being received clearly and accurately. In a previous post, I wrote about connecting to others from a place of curiosity. If the motivation is curiosity, then the intention is to establish a true bond/connection with someone to whom you hope you can one day provide some value. Being personable is ultimately about centering your focus on the needs or desires of the other person you are interacting with. If you do this, it’s pretty hard to go wrong.
Whenever I had a supervision session with Wendy she was always fully present, she was 1000% herself, and she was unfailingly personable. I left every supervision session feeling good or better for having spent that slice of my time with her.
How do you want people to feel after they part company with you?
For best results, Dr. Wendy Heyman recommends that you: Just. Be. A. Person.
If you would like help honing your own authentic way to network, I’d love to support you!
Book Now for a free consultation.
NIIATO@AVENIRCAREERS.COM | CALL/TEXT 917-740-3048